


Out of Control, Sealed Away

by ladysparkles



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:16:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5269391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysparkles/pseuds/ladysparkles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Charles' telepathy flares up, he tries to shut everyone out to avoid hurting anybody but himself</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of Control, Sealed Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_Betty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Betty/gifts).



> Fill for the prompt "Something happens that causes Charles' telepathy to flare up. He can't touch anyone for a long time (days? Weeks?) because the physical contact makes it much, much worse. Because he's typically a very tactile person, he suffers in isolation and feels disoriented and alienated from Erik and others."

            It was at the supermarket of all places when it first struck Charles. As he was paying for his groceries he felt like he could hear the cashier’s thoughts louder than usual. It wasn’t out of the question for some thoughts to be louder than others, but it usually applied to thoughts that were intensely emotional or in some way intended for Charles. These were just mundane thoughts that sounded like they were being yelled directly at him. He was about to shrug it off and chalk it up to a fluke when the cashier’s hand briefly brushed against Charles as he handed her his credit card. Suddenly her thoughts came rushing at Charles. And these were clearly not surface thoughts, but far deeper more concealed ones.

The cashier clearly felt the effects of whatever Charles had done. Her face went blank for a minute before she was able to shake it off and look back at Charles. “I’m so sorry,” she said with a nervous laugh. “I just spaced out.”

Charles nodded. He was equally distracted, but by trying to figure out why this was happening.

Charles drove back to the mansion, wishing whatever he was experiencing would wear off. As soon as he stepped inside he saw Raven and heard her thoughts almost immediately.

“Charles?” Raven asked. “Are you okay? You look off-color.” She tried to joke.

“I…” Charles didn’t know what to say and he was afraid of alarming everyone else. If he couldn’t get his power under control, what kind of example was he setting for everybody else?

“Charles!” Raven repeated, reaching out to embrace him. The second she did that all of her thoughts came rushing toward Charles and he had to pull back to keep him from hurting his sister.

“Don’t touch me.” Charles said. “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but I can’t have anyone around me until I solve it. And absolutely nobody can touch me.” He added.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do this.” Raven said.

“Yes, I do. Let everyone know what’s going on.” Charles said as he started running up the stairs.

“I don’t even know what’s going on!” Raven yelled.

“Just tell them something!”

 

Charles barricaded himself in his study where he could be alone and removed from intruding on people’s thoughts. At times throughout the day, he missed talking with the kids and catching up on how everybody was doing. But he remained determined to stay away. If the children saw him unable to control his power, they would get discouraged in themselves. That was something Charles was not willing to risk. Better to let them think he was sick than a bad role model.

 

There was a knock on the door of the study.

“If Raven didn’t already tell you, I’m sick and I really can’t be disturbed right now.” Charles answered.

“She told me, I just didn’t believe her.” Erik’s voice answered. He sounded calm but insistent. “Tell me what’s really going on.”

“I’m sick.” Charles lied.

“We both know that is a complete lie. Even if you were sick, you’d still try to be around everyone else. Tell me the truth.”

“My telepathy started flaring up bad—actually, worse than ever. If I touch someone it’s even worse on top of that. I don’t want to be around people like this.”

Erik could understand how Charles felt. Being too powerful, being capable of hurting other people with your strength, was just as bad as not being powerful enough. And coping with that was even harder. “Can I come in?”

“No, I mean it. Everybody needs to stay away until I figure it out.”

“I already know. And it doesn’t matter, nothing could change my opinion of you.” Erik wanted to say that admiration instead of opinion, but he didn’t want to make Charles feel more burdened than he already was.

“It’s not that, Erik. When I get too close, when I touch, it’s so strong that I pull out memories that I have no business being anywhere near. You of all people I can’t subject to that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Erik paused. Charles could tell that he must have convinced Erik when he didn’t have an immediate retort. “Can I get you anything?” Erik said at last.

“No, thank you very much. Please, just try to help the kids.”

“Of course. I’ll be back to check on you.”

 

Being alone truly was killing Charles. He tried to focus his mind inward as much as possible to minimize chances of him still reaching somebody else. It took a toll on Charles physically and mentally. He tried reading to pass the time and calm himself, but it did very little to help. It was the last thing he wanted to admit, but Charles was afraid that he might be turning insane. Maybe the brain just wasn’t meant to handle the volume that he was regularly accustomed to. Yes, it was a muscle, but even strong muscles can tear. Perhaps this was his brain finally crumbling under the pressure.

 

Charles woke up on the couch, even though he had no recollection of being there when he went to sleep, or even going to sleep for that matter. He must truly be completely losing his wits to be missing gaps the way that he clearly was. At the same time, he felt less crazy, calmer and balanced than he did before. Sleeping helped after all.

 

The day had been painful again. Charles had to fight every instinct in him to listen in on what was transpiring downstairs, reminding himself it was for everybody’s good. Exhausted as the sun went down, Charles let himself nod off and look forward to feeling better in the morning.

 

Erik waited by the door until he was sure nothing was moving inside the study. He focused hard on all the metal in the room. Thankfully, tonight Charles was on the sofa where there was metal lining on arm rests where his head was propped against. Erik was confident that Charles was fast asleep when the only sensation against the metal was the gentle rise and fall of Charles breathing.

 

The night before had been nearly impossible to tell if Charles was asleep, since he had foolishly remained on the floor too far from any metal. After desperately trying to sense it, Erik had given up waiting and gambled on entering the study. He had carefully lifted Charles, brought him to the sofa, and remained there holding him until just before daylight.

 

Tonight, Charles was already asleep on the sofa, so Erik only had to slide around him to embrace him. Erik didn’t understand how Charles was capable of being so disciplined even when he was in pain. For Erik, the last few days had been miserable. Without Charles around, the tender side of Erik was receding again. Not exactly a recipe for success when mentoring young people. Erik desperately missed Charles and his encouraging smiles and comforting touches, not to mention his supportive thoughts that lifted everyone’s spirits. Erik had tried to reach out to Charles’ mind as well as he could, but Charles truly did not want to even graze anybody else’s thoughts and Erik was met with radio silence.

 

At last the night before, Erik had given up. If Charles wasn’t going to let him see him when he was awake, then Erik was going to see him when he was asleep. It wasn’t the same, but it helped Erik cope a little.

 

The next few days Charles got even worse. He was impatient and desperate to get better. Every morning he would reach out quickly to see if he had regained control, and would immediately discover that he hadn’t. His depression and despair grew worse and worse with every failure. He inadvertently gave up sleeping in exchange for pacing and berating himself for sinking so low, broken up by moments of researching any solutions.

 

One morning, Charles desperately reached out to one of the students—not Erik, it was too soon for that—to see if he could take it.

_Hank?_ Charles thought toward the kitchen. So far so good.

_Professor? Are you better?_ Hank responded. Charles felt like he was in control of himself again, which was promising.

_Yes, Hank, I think so. I’m going to still take it slow, though_. Charles was able to relax at last without being so worried, but he wasn’t sure if he could handle actual contact yet.

 

Just a few minutes later, there was a pounding on the door. Charles could practically hear Erik yelling at him in his mind. “Yes?” Charles said.

“You’re better?” Erik asked.

“Yes, but only relatively speaking. I have no idea if it’s completely subsided yet, I don’t want to risk it.” Charles answered.

Erik didn’t answer, but Charles could hear as the lock began to turn.

“Erik, don’t!” Charles yelled. “I don’t know if I’m safe to be close to yet.”

“I put up with you hiding away for days,” Erik said. “Because you were worried about hurting me. I really couldn’t care less about hurting me, but I couldn’t possibly deal with you feeling guilty. You’re better now and I would very much like to touch my friend.”

Charles nodded nervously, he placed his hands out in front of himself for Erik to take. Erik moved to hold Charles by the wrists and bring him closer. Charles winced in anticipation of the flood that could potentially be released on both of them if things hadn’t gotten fully sorted out yet. But nothing bad came. Touching Erik felt like drinking from an oasis. Charles had missed the physical closeness so much, to Erik more so than anybody else.

Erik was watching Charles face, he looked so relieved. Erik didn’t think that he could make Charles look that happy, he thought it had only been the other way around. Erik had just wanted to be around Charles again, but Charles being happy was more important than anything else.

Charles threw his arms around Erik’s chest. “I missed you so much.”

Erik drew him close and rested his head over Charles’. “I missed you too.” 

“I know at some point I should probably go be with everybody else, but do you think we can just stay here for a little while? I just want to feel you a little longer.”

“Of course.” Erik tightened his grasp of Charles. He couldn’t read his mind, but he could feel how hard Charles’ heart was beating. “Everything’s alright now.”

“It hurt me so much more than I was expecting it to.” Charles tried to explain. “I didn’t know that I was so needy.”

Erik kissed the top of Charles’ head gently. “Communicating with people is a big part of who you are. I’m sure it felt like severing a limb.”

Charles was borderline surprised at how understanding Erik was being. He usually had something to disagree with Charles over. But now he was only being comforting and Charles liked this side a whole lot, even if he didn’t know what brought it on. “Thanks, you.” He mumbled into Erik’s chest.

“Thanks, you, too.” Erik echoed. Charles didn’t know why, but it made him smile.


End file.
